When is the right time to forgive and forget? Are we even in the right mind when we do so, and is the recipient even taking this gracious act to heart, or just saying nice things to get it over with?
-----------
The other night, my friend and I were talking about holding things to heart, the old scars that haven't really healed, and considering whether reconciliation is even worth it or not. Said friend, a long time ago, came to have a strained relationship with some other individual. Although sparse on details, my friend explained the internal workings of now. There's some acknowledgment on both parties, but other than that, forgiveness has not been achieved. Unfortunate.
One has to wonder how long do we have to hold on before we move on, if we ever can. Everyone's different, for sure. Some forgive easy. Some just hold grudges. Personally, I just get mad for a sec, let it burn out of my system, and just move on with life. Things happen. I hope whoever did me wrong would learn their lesson, but ultimately that's up to them to step back, see what they did, and reflect in return. Easy for some, complicated for others. Wounds could go deep and healing could take years. Everything is just so situational.
Lets not forget, though, that it takes two to tango. We can forgive all we want, but what if the recipient does not even try to take that to heart; that this person is making the effort to try to save something that he or she considers worth it, and yet they don't realize it. What fools we can be! We have this insane capability to love, and yet we can take it away in an instant. What I hate the most, above all, is facades: fake identities that we create just to keep appearances. Obviously, we behave differently among different people, but then there's that line where we just pretend things are okay when they may not be. Receiving forgiveness just to make the other person happy is something I don't agree with. It gives a person a false sense of security, that false sense of accomplishment and some false sense of hope. Why do we do such dumb things? It's not the truth. It isn't sincere. I suppose, it's to make the person happy. A harmless lie? Harmless until it comes and bites you back, is what I'd say.
So really, how do we do it, or why? I guess, to be the better person. Or maybe to rub it in the faces of those watching, saying that "I have moved on. There are bigger things to worry about." One thing I hope though, is that our hearts are into the feelings we put behind this receiving and giving, not just some cheap lie fabricated for conveience's sake. Think about what I'm saying.
Merry Christmas, ya'll. Say safe
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
me being confused and/or whiny: An introduction
Sometimes I wonder if the extra amount of intensity behind my emotions is a good or bad thing.
When I get happy, I'm over enthusiastic. When I get angry, I just lose my cool, forget about the real situation and just go at it. When I love, it's rather blindsided and sometimes too much to handle. When I'm sad, I just drown myself in that garbage for a few days, taking it deeply to heart. I don't know if it's just the human condition, or me personally. What I do know, however, is that keeping emotions in check is rather important.
Right now, I'm not exactly miserable, but I'm not happy either. Sometimes I wonder if this emptiness if subconsciously self-inflicting or it's something else. Like something's missing and this mind and body of mine has been craving for fulfillment for the longest. Maybe it's a girl. Maybe its a lack of purpose. Companionship? Boredom? It could be a multitude of things. It's something to think about.
What was I talking about again?
When I get happy, I'm over enthusiastic. When I get angry, I just lose my cool, forget about the real situation and just go at it. When I love, it's rather blindsided and sometimes too much to handle. When I'm sad, I just drown myself in that garbage for a few days, taking it deeply to heart. I don't know if it's just the human condition, or me personally. What I do know, however, is that keeping emotions in check is rather important.
Right now, I'm not exactly miserable, but I'm not happy either. Sometimes I wonder if this emptiness if subconsciously self-inflicting or it's something else. Like something's missing and this mind and body of mine has been craving for fulfillment for the longest. Maybe it's a girl. Maybe its a lack of purpose. Companionship? Boredom? It could be a multitude of things. It's something to think about.
What was I talking about again?
Sunday, November 30, 2008
My impressions on my first REAL exposure to the literary juggernaut that is "Twilight"
Ok Sharon, so "Twilight" wasn't that bad. Was it as good as everyone made it out to be. Nope. Not in the least. But from a stand-alone point, it was ok.
Juggernaut is not necessarily a good or bad thing. It's fan base is just large. Raving girls are a scary thing.
So I saw the movie the other day. My talks with Miss K made me intrigued about this book. Not so much the book itself, but why it's so "awesome". What's the big deal, is what I say. When I first heard the premise of it, I was more confused than anything. My reaction along the lines went:
"It's a romance novel...with vampires. So...it's sex with vampires...?"
I think Michelle told me back in the summer. She made a big deal out of it. I ran the idea a couple of times after that and the more I thought about it, the weirder it sounded. As I was writing this on the train back to Rochester, it hit me that the Japanese stuff that I read are just as wacky. Just to name a few:
Anyway, it wasn't until I spoke about it with Miss K where things got weirder and more interesting. Dwelling deeper into wiki, it became apparent that it was just more than "sex with vampires", and then "sex with emotional vampires". Nope. After watching the movie, I find why people, mostly tweens and teenagers, eat this stuff up. It's just adolecense and noobery in love, over-eggagerated. It's cute. It's lovey dovey and it plays with the emotions of its readers. Very entertaining. Especially when they talk about Edward Cullen, main male character and supposed vampire hottie. From what I'm told, he's supposed to be ultimate boyfriend material.
Why guys read this book I have no idea. Maybe they can tell me. Phil. I, for one, will not read it. It's not appealing enough. I have enough literature to read with school work and my japanese and american comics. I like my "Avengers" thank you very much.
I will say this though. I think kids at that age are just hormonal and just wants some of that high school lovin, hence the swooning over the imaginary super guy. Or maybe they really want genuine love, and have imagined their perfect match for the future. People can imagine, right?
So what about the movie? It's a movie you take someone a date with. Not exactly awesome, but I've seen much worse. It's also supposedly worse than the book. By how much, I'll never know. Sometimes the actors tried too hard to play their characters, and it got kinda cheesy at certain points, but I'm a sucker for love stories, so I was partial to it at times. With an obvious sequal in the loom, I for one, will look forward to it. Since I'm too lazy to read the books =D.
To end this, I'll leave you with some excerpts
Miss k: i know why she didnt describe them having sex now
me: lol
me: why
Miss K: because later on she turns into a vampire & when they have sex as vampires its even better
Miss K: it just helps the reader understand how big the difference is
Miss K: that like the human sex or whatever was so insignificant compared to how amazing vampire sex is
Miss K: it was a moment of literary genius !
Me: uh huh
Me: right =D
Miss K: it was !
Me: oh, i believe you
Me: cause yeah
Me: for real
Me: vampire sex is a whole lot better
Miss K: HAHAHAHAS
Me: Cause the author? She would totally know.
Juggernaut is not necessarily a good or bad thing. It's fan base is just large. Raving girls are a scary thing.
So I saw the movie the other day. My talks with Miss K made me intrigued about this book. Not so much the book itself, but why it's so "awesome". What's the big deal, is what I say. When I first heard the premise of it, I was more confused than anything. My reaction along the lines went:
"It's a romance novel...with vampires. So...it's sex with vampires...?"
I think Michelle told me back in the summer. She made a big deal out of it. I ran the idea a couple of times after that and the more I thought about it, the weirder it sounded. As I was writing this on the train back to Rochester, it hit me that the Japanese stuff that I read are just as wacky. Just to name a few:
- One Piece: Main character wants to be the pirate king. Devil Fruits give its eaters super powers ranging from manipulating the elements to manipulating one's own body, but in doing so prevents the eater from swimming. The weirdest power I can recall off the top of my head is being able to make any part of the body explode. Including boogers. Oda's retarded sometimes.
- Eyeshield 21: Football manga. Main character is Japanese and can run 40 yards in 4.1 seconds. Not possible. Openly says that black people are naturally physically superior than Asians and White people.
- BoBoBo: Nose-Hair Kung fu. 'Nuff Said.
Anyway, it wasn't until I spoke about it with Miss K where things got weirder and more interesting. Dwelling deeper into wiki, it became apparent that it was just more than "sex with vampires", and then "sex with emotional vampires". Nope. After watching the movie, I find why people, mostly tweens and teenagers, eat this stuff up. It's just adolecense and noobery in love, over-eggagerated. It's cute. It's lovey dovey and it plays with the emotions of its readers. Very entertaining. Especially when they talk about Edward Cullen, main male character and supposed vampire hottie. From what I'm told, he's supposed to be ultimate boyfriend material.
Why guys read this book I have no idea. Maybe they can tell me. Phil. I, for one, will not read it. It's not appealing enough. I have enough literature to read with school work and my japanese and american comics. I like my "Avengers" thank you very much.
I will say this though. I think kids at that age are just hormonal and just wants some of that high school lovin, hence the swooning over the imaginary super guy. Or maybe they really want genuine love, and have imagined their perfect match for the future. People can imagine, right?
So what about the movie? It's a movie you take someone a date with. Not exactly awesome, but I've seen much worse. It's also supposedly worse than the book. By how much, I'll never know. Sometimes the actors tried too hard to play their characters, and it got kinda cheesy at certain points, but I'm a sucker for love stories, so I was partial to it at times. With an obvious sequal in the loom, I for one, will look forward to it. Since I'm too lazy to read the books =D.
To end this, I'll leave you with some excerpts
Miss k: i know why she didnt describe them having sex now
me: lol
me: why
Miss K: because later on she turns into a vampire & when they have sex as vampires its even better
Miss K: it just helps the reader understand how big the difference is
Miss K: that like the human sex or whatever was so insignificant compared to how amazing vampire sex is
Miss K: it was a moment of literary genius !
Me: uh huh
Me: right =D
Miss K: it was !
Me: oh, i believe you
Me: cause yeah
Me: for real
Me: vampire sex is a whole lot better
Miss K: HAHAHAHAS
Me: Cause the author? She would totally know.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
The Questions and the Answers
Here's something I wrote on the way back to school. Enjoy
The Questions and the Answers, all for Him
By Nicholas Moy
Hi, I’m Nick and I’m always interested in what’s going on with, be it with the news, the arts, science or what goes on at school. Occasionally, I would break out the New York Times and just read it, just because I had the need to know what was going on around me. I told this to a (former?) friend of mine and she said I was nerdy for doing this.
When did it become a nerdy thing to read a newspaper? I’m sure, or I hope, that most of you don’t believe that, but the fact that the idea actually exists in today’s day and age is saddening. As I examine my generation from an outside perspective, I have to ask you a few things. How do you know what goes on in today’s world. By word of mouth? How about print media or visual media? Or how about none at all. Whether you do or don’t, I get this impression that we choose to live under a rock. Today, I was at Sunday service and the speaker mentioned Sarah Palin, John McCain’s VP pick. The person next to me asked me who she is. It led to a face palm moment. How could you not know who she is? She’s been all over the media, taking all forms of crap right after she was announced to be McCain’s running mate. That’s right. How could you not know? Well if one person doesn’t know, then others don’t know either.
We live in a day and age where the Internet has given us to a wealth of information, literally, at our fingertips. Wikipedia is a godsend. Digg.com lets us see random news, relevant and irrelevant. And yet what do we do with this utility? Waste our time on facebook, myspace and games made from flash (I’m guilty of the facebook bit, but I know when enough is enough).
We have become so apathetic toward what goes on in our lives. We don’t stop and wonder, “Hey, what’s going on these days?” We just live life under a routine. I’m going to cite politics again. While reading my college’s self-published magazine, the editorial contained a question that I found funny. “How any of you feel empowered by democracy?” Do any of you? Politics, for sure, is boring, and even I don’t know what goes on in that mess, but having basic knowledge of some issues is the least you could do. After all, a democracy is only as powerful as the people that take part in it. Do nothing, and your government will just do whatever they want. As far as I can see, I see two possible futures: either our government will continue to run our lives and seep the people’s power, or we’re going to get pissed off and start some riots and take back what we want.
So where am I going with this? Well, I’ll let you in on something. I’m Christian. Sometimes when I meet people and go on about my likes, dislikes and things that are on my mind with the world these days, I would drop in that something that would hint that I have a faith. The person asks, I reply and they become somewhat surprised. Heck if I know why, but I guess keeping up to speed with things and Christianity do not go hand in hand, apparently.
I say that I am a Christian, but in truth, I am what they call a seeker. I have accepted Christ into my life, but there are just many questions I have about Him and God. Just so many. Too many, I might say. Some questions may not be answered, but as they say, it doesn’t hurt to ask.
Like how I am with world events, I just have to know things. Take a moment sometime to just be by yourself. It may not be now, it may not be tomorrow, but take the time to just examine yourself and ask yourself this. Why (or why not) are you a Christian? Really. Have you ever thought of that? For some of you that may live life day by day under a routine and don’t consider things except in the now, have you ever considered asking yourself that question?
I did not accept Christ into my life until recently. It was after I graduated high school. I’m still not baptized, but reasons for that I’ll share another day. My first experience with a fellowship was coffeehouse during my sophomore year of high school. It was something I really wasn’t expecting. I went for a good friend of mine. She just recently accepted Christ into her life, and she asked me to go, to give her some support. At the time, I really paid no mind to organized religion. It was just something that people did. You believe in what you believe, and I believe in what I believe. That is all. But this was for a friend, and friendship, I believe, transcends above personal beliefs and morals. I didn’t start going to youth group until junior year. My curiosity got the best of me, and I really wanted to know why my friend and these other people would believe in God. Why were some of these people happy, while I was somewhat miserable? Group games were good and fun and praise night, although weird at first, grew onto me. Then came small group and bible study. It was different story.
Bible study and small group gave me the opportunity to ask the questions I wanted to know. Sorry youth group, but I got nowhere. I got a few bits in here and there, but really, I felt I did not get much. Somewhere in the back of my head, I kept asking myself. “Why is this so bland? So dry? So slow? Aren’t you, as Christians, supposed to help me out finding this guy named Jesus?” Hindsight told me that I was just being overly critical of them. We were just kids, after all, and all we really wanted to do was have fun. Over time during my senior year, I thought I got my answer. Jesus died for my sins and through God and through him, he gave me all that I have. Very textbook answer, but that’s what I thought and it convinced me to accept Christ into my life. Still, during that summer, there was some feeling deep down in my heart that just lingered and it bothered me. Didn’t know what it was until I went to college.
Turned out that I was missing the point. So what if Jesus died for your sins? What good is it if all you thought about was yourself. It just made sense when you find that it was not about you, but it was about the grander scheme of things. It was, and it is, about Him. College and my first retreat the summer after my first year did that, and I am eternally grateful.
So I ask again. Why are you, or why are you not, a Christian? Consider it, and think. For me, I am because I believe. I give and He gives in return. It is the relationship I forged with God, all for Him. Keep asking, regardless of subject matter. Not only are we to be just individuals, we are to be smart individuals. As Christians, we are not just to be Christians, but smart Christians. Though the answers may not always be given to you, keep seeking them. Keep searching and never stop.
Good day and stay safe.
The Questions and the Answers, all for Him
By Nicholas Moy
Hi, I’m Nick and I’m always interested in what’s going on with, be it with the news, the arts, science or what goes on at school. Occasionally, I would break out the New York Times and just read it, just because I had the need to know what was going on around me. I told this to a (former?) friend of mine and she said I was nerdy for doing this.
When did it become a nerdy thing to read a newspaper? I’m sure, or I hope, that most of you don’t believe that, but the fact that the idea actually exists in today’s day and age is saddening. As I examine my generation from an outside perspective, I have to ask you a few things. How do you know what goes on in today’s world. By word of mouth? How about print media or visual media? Or how about none at all. Whether you do or don’t, I get this impression that we choose to live under a rock. Today, I was at Sunday service and the speaker mentioned Sarah Palin, John McCain’s VP pick. The person next to me asked me who she is. It led to a face palm moment. How could you not know who she is? She’s been all over the media, taking all forms of crap right after she was announced to be McCain’s running mate. That’s right. How could you not know? Well if one person doesn’t know, then others don’t know either.
We live in a day and age where the Internet has given us to a wealth of information, literally, at our fingertips. Wikipedia is a godsend. Digg.com lets us see random news, relevant and irrelevant. And yet what do we do with this utility? Waste our time on facebook, myspace and games made from flash (I’m guilty of the facebook bit, but I know when enough is enough).
We have become so apathetic toward what goes on in our lives. We don’t stop and wonder, “Hey, what’s going on these days?” We just live life under a routine. I’m going to cite politics again. While reading my college’s self-published magazine, the editorial contained a question that I found funny. “How any of you feel empowered by democracy?” Do any of you? Politics, for sure, is boring, and even I don’t know what goes on in that mess, but having basic knowledge of some issues is the least you could do. After all, a democracy is only as powerful as the people that take part in it. Do nothing, and your government will just do whatever they want. As far as I can see, I see two possible futures: either our government will continue to run our lives and seep the people’s power, or we’re going to get pissed off and start some riots and take back what we want.
So where am I going with this? Well, I’ll let you in on something. I’m Christian. Sometimes when I meet people and go on about my likes, dislikes and things that are on my mind with the world these days, I would drop in that something that would hint that I have a faith. The person asks, I reply and they become somewhat surprised. Heck if I know why, but I guess keeping up to speed with things and Christianity do not go hand in hand, apparently.
I say that I am a Christian, but in truth, I am what they call a seeker. I have accepted Christ into my life, but there are just many questions I have about Him and God. Just so many. Too many, I might say. Some questions may not be answered, but as they say, it doesn’t hurt to ask.
Like how I am with world events, I just have to know things. Take a moment sometime to just be by yourself. It may not be now, it may not be tomorrow, but take the time to just examine yourself and ask yourself this. Why (or why not) are you a Christian? Really. Have you ever thought of that? For some of you that may live life day by day under a routine and don’t consider things except in the now, have you ever considered asking yourself that question?
I did not accept Christ into my life until recently. It was after I graduated high school. I’m still not baptized, but reasons for that I’ll share another day. My first experience with a fellowship was coffeehouse during my sophomore year of high school. It was something I really wasn’t expecting. I went for a good friend of mine. She just recently accepted Christ into her life, and she asked me to go, to give her some support. At the time, I really paid no mind to organized religion. It was just something that people did. You believe in what you believe, and I believe in what I believe. That is all. But this was for a friend, and friendship, I believe, transcends above personal beliefs and morals. I didn’t start going to youth group until junior year. My curiosity got the best of me, and I really wanted to know why my friend and these other people would believe in God. Why were some of these people happy, while I was somewhat miserable? Group games were good and fun and praise night, although weird at first, grew onto me. Then came small group and bible study. It was different story.
Bible study and small group gave me the opportunity to ask the questions I wanted to know. Sorry youth group, but I got nowhere. I got a few bits in here and there, but really, I felt I did not get much. Somewhere in the back of my head, I kept asking myself. “Why is this so bland? So dry? So slow? Aren’t you, as Christians, supposed to help me out finding this guy named Jesus?” Hindsight told me that I was just being overly critical of them. We were just kids, after all, and all we really wanted to do was have fun. Over time during my senior year, I thought I got my answer. Jesus died for my sins and through God and through him, he gave me all that I have. Very textbook answer, but that’s what I thought and it convinced me to accept Christ into my life. Still, during that summer, there was some feeling deep down in my heart that just lingered and it bothered me. Didn’t know what it was until I went to college.
Turned out that I was missing the point. So what if Jesus died for your sins? What good is it if all you thought about was yourself. It just made sense when you find that it was not about you, but it was about the grander scheme of things. It was, and it is, about Him. College and my first retreat the summer after my first year did that, and I am eternally grateful.
So I ask again. Why are you, or why are you not, a Christian? Consider it, and think. For me, I am because I believe. I give and He gives in return. It is the relationship I forged with God, all for Him. Keep asking, regardless of subject matter. Not only are we to be just individuals, we are to be smart individuals. As Christians, we are not just to be Christians, but smart Christians. Though the answers may not always be given to you, keep seeking them. Keep searching and never stop.
Good day and stay safe.
Friday, August 15, 2008
summer's over, but that's fine
after the request of a friend that i know, i decided to write again.
Summer has been wonderful. Working at summer paradise, being with the kids, and forging new bonds with people that I thought I would never make bonds with. I'm glad working, of all things, gave me the opprotunity to develop so many things in my life. Patience with the kids and love for those around me, among other things. Because of work, I didn't get to hang with alot of friends, but there's always break. Hit me up for some good times.
--------------------------------------------------------------
School is about to start on Monday, and I really did not want summer to be over because, for once, I didn't go to school during the summer and I had fun, every singly day. This summer probably ranks as one of the better ones, next to the one at stonybrook during the summer going into 8th grade and going to Japan.
I was really happy when auntie Wendy gave me the position of CIT. It didn't pay much, but honestly, I really didn't care. I wanted to do something besides sit on my rear end in front of my pc. The pictures I have posted pretty much tells all what went on at my job. I thank God for giving me that opprotunity. Fo' Sho.
Btw, basketball is fun again.
A run down of the summer:
End of may to mid june- hangoutage
Mid-June to Mid-August: Summer paradise =D
Mid August- Otakon.....
Alright, so otakon was a WHOLE LOT BETTER. At first I wasn't gonna go, but then one thing convinced me to go : JAM project. Sure I don't watch anime anymore, and learning Japanese has more meaning than just learning how to read and understand what my import games are saying, but hey, JAM project just gets you pumped. I can't listen to their songs all the time, but when you listen to them, its like, "Hey, I feel like kicking some ass and doing something awesome." Besides, live shows for artists that you like are always awesome. Too bad I missed that Foo Fighters concernt in jersey =/. Oh well, next time. If the headliner for otakon next year is just as good as this year was, maybe a 3rd trip will be in order.
Songs that I played too much this summer:
The Greatest Man That Ever Lived, Only in Dreams, Heart Songs, The Angel and the One, Across the Sea - Weezer
Senseless - Asian Kung-Fu Generation
Everlong - Foo Fighters
Baba O' Riley, Young Man Blues - The Who
Ride the Lightening - Metallica
Heartbreaker, You Know What Time is it?! - Teriyaki Boyz
U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer (I made so many references to this stupid song in and out of work)
Zombie - Fela Kuti
Holy Thursday - David Axelrod
Last Bongo in Belgium - Incredible Bongo Band
Melody listens to too much Jonas Brothers. They're good at what they do, which is attract pre-pubescant little girls. Luckily, Weezer released the Red Album earlier in the summer, so I listend to those tracks to death. The songs also pretty much tells the story of how my summer went.
To the incoming college freshman:
Don't let college eat you alive. It's actually pretty fun, believe it or not. If you actually try. You are what you make it, is what I say(I say that for everything. If you do something and you think it's fun, turns out it could be). Keep your head above the water, but let loose a little bit. Time to have some fun, cause it's not all work. Instructions may or not apply to all other older people.
To the QHC people and coworkers:
I'm sick of seeing your faces 6-7 times a week. Too bad I didn't mind you guys at the same time =P. Good times is all I gotta say.
To Friends that I didn't see at all or often:
Sorry I didn't see you guys. I'm always around, so just hit me up. When we did hang though, twas fun. We should do it again.
Finally, I'm just gonna post my new mailing address.
Nicholas Moy
703 Park Point Drive
Unit 2C
Rochester, NY 14623
I like IM's, but write me from time to time. Letters are awesome.
So guys, I'll ttyl.
Stay safe, and stay happy. Ja~ne.
--------------------------------------------------------------
School is about to start on Monday, and I really did not want summer to be over because, for once, I didn't go to school during the summer and I had fun, every singly day. This summer probably ranks as one of the better ones, next to the one at stonybrook during the summer going into 8th grade and going to Japan.
I was really happy when auntie Wendy gave me the position of CIT. It didn't pay much, but honestly, I really didn't care. I wanted to do something besides sit on my rear end in front of my pc. The pictures I have posted pretty much tells all what went on at my job. I thank God for giving me that opprotunity. Fo' Sho.
Btw, basketball is fun again.
A run down of the summer:
End of may to mid june- hangoutage
Mid-June to Mid-August: Summer paradise =D
Mid August- Otakon.....
Alright, so otakon was a WHOLE LOT BETTER. At first I wasn't gonna go, but then one thing convinced me to go : JAM project. Sure I don't watch anime anymore, and learning Japanese has more meaning than just learning how to read and understand what my import games are saying, but hey, JAM project just gets you pumped. I can't listen to their songs all the time, but when you listen to them, its like, "Hey, I feel like kicking some ass and doing something awesome." Besides, live shows for artists that you like are always awesome. Too bad I missed that Foo Fighters concernt in jersey =/. Oh well, next time. If the headliner for otakon next year is just as good as this year was, maybe a 3rd trip will be in order.
Songs that I played too much this summer:
The Greatest Man That Ever Lived, Only in Dreams, Heart Songs, The Angel and the One, Across the Sea - Weezer
Senseless - Asian Kung-Fu Generation
Everlong - Foo Fighters
Baba O' Riley, Young Man Blues - The Who
Ride the Lightening - Metallica
Heartbreaker, You Know What Time is it?! - Teriyaki Boyz
U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer (I made so many references to this stupid song in and out of work)
Zombie - Fela Kuti
Holy Thursday - David Axelrod
Last Bongo in Belgium - Incredible Bongo Band
Melody listens to too much Jonas Brothers. They're good at what they do, which is attract pre-pubescant little girls. Luckily, Weezer released the Red Album earlier in the summer, so I listend to those tracks to death. The songs also pretty much tells the story of how my summer went.
To the incoming college freshman:
Don't let college eat you alive. It's actually pretty fun, believe it or not. If you actually try. You are what you make it, is what I say(I say that for everything. If you do something and you think it's fun, turns out it could be). Keep your head above the water, but let loose a little bit. Time to have some fun, cause it's not all work. Instructions may or not apply to all other older people.
To the QHC people and coworkers:
I'm sick of seeing your faces 6-7 times a week. Too bad I didn't mind you guys at the same time =P. Good times is all I gotta say.
To Friends that I didn't see at all or often:
Sorry I didn't see you guys. I'm always around, so just hit me up. When we did hang though, twas fun. We should do it again.
Finally, I'm just gonna post my new mailing address.
Nicholas Moy
703 Park Point Drive
Unit 2C
Rochester, NY 14623
I like IM's, but write me from time to time. Letters are awesome.
So guys, I'll ttyl.
Stay safe, and stay happy. Ja~ne.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Finding a place to belong
As I continue to write these "pieces", if you can consider them that, I feel that each piece should have some sort of meaning behind them. None of that "My day was like this and then this". That's no fun. Hence the lack of stuff on this site. Nothing hits me these days, ya know?
Anyway, on to the show
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I can say with confidence that this entry went through 4 revisions and rewrites before I was satisfied with the subject matter and flow. I really wish school or lie was that lax on assignments, but man, we only get one or two chances on just about anything, and damn, fleshing out thoughts in a way a writer wants his audience and/or him/herself to perceive his or her work is damn hard. How do writers do it?
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As per usual, vacation(which as the moment is 2 weeks ago) is a time of thinking. Usually vacation time, although awesome, gets me in a situation where i just have all this time to think to myself, which puts some crazy thoughts in my head. This time, it's about belonging somewhere.
I don't care what people say about being tough or saying that you don't need friends or someplace to belong to live. Everyone needs a place to belong. What's my point?
In my journey to understand God and to see if Christianity really is right for me, the church at home that I go to has been sloooooowly becoming less appealing. A church really isn't much without it's members, which has its high school and college kids too. We're all friends and we're all buddy buddy.
Or that's what I used to think.
I joined my church two years ago, and it was fun. But in the two years before i graduated, a person can change a great deal. Friday night's, I get together with the kids in my age group(used to be the high school group, but now that I'm in college, I'm with the college group)and we do a couple of things, all in the name understanding God, his inner workings and everything inbetween, along with being better friends with each other. As people grow, you just notice things, appreciate things a younger generation can't do. Things started to be more cliquey. Like church was more of a hangout. I didn't feel that good feeling like I did years ago. Same with now these days. I come back during vacation, and it's all the same.
There was that aspect of me feeling that the people around me were not in it for the reasons like i thought years ago. But like I say time and time again. Who am I to judge. Not only do I feel like I'm missing my point of going, the kids just make me feel like I just don't fit in, which is a feeling that I think I shouldn't be getting. When I'm around them, I just feel like they don't get me, whatever "me" is. And I just feel that they're not interested in me to begin with. There was a time I would introduce myself, tell my likes and dislikes, and let things flourish. And then, people just don't seem interested. Whatever they care about, I'm not it.
So it seems.
It's come to the point where I don't care about them either sometimes. Since I've gone away to college, I just feel smarter. Deeper. Older. Grown to a place where only a few seem to understand. It's a vicious cycle, for sure. I have thoughts of leaving. Switching churches. Or just not going altogether. Certainly, with the way things are going, it's not helping my self-esteem. I can only imagine how the other people who went away to college that go to my church at home turned out after all these months. Hopefully, not for the worst.
As I contemplate sometimes, I just wonder if my standards are just too damn harsh. That I just put people on pedestal that they might not be meant to be on. I want to stay. I really do, but what really works for me and what works for everyone else? I think it's time for another soul searching journey. And it's time to get in touch with the friends outside of church. I haven't seen them for a while. At least I know for sure, a small number, understand. And for those I've tagged out in facebook, how do you feel?
Closing off with Maya Angelou: "If you don't like something, change it. If you don't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain". Wendy said something along the same lines. Influence those around you.
Adios. Thanks for reading.
Anyway, on to the show
------------------------------------
I can say with confidence that this entry went through 4 revisions and rewrites before I was satisfied with the subject matter and flow. I really wish school or lie was that lax on assignments, but man, we only get one or two chances on just about anything, and damn, fleshing out thoughts in a way a writer wants his audience and/or him/herself to perceive his or her work is damn hard. How do writers do it?
------------------------------------
As per usual, vacation(which as the moment is 2 weeks ago) is a time of thinking. Usually vacation time, although awesome, gets me in a situation where i just have all this time to think to myself, which puts some crazy thoughts in my head. This time, it's about belonging somewhere.
I don't care what people say about being tough or saying that you don't need friends or someplace to belong to live. Everyone needs a place to belong. What's my point?
In my journey to understand God and to see if Christianity really is right for me, the church at home that I go to has been sloooooowly becoming less appealing. A church really isn't much without it's members, which has its high school and college kids too. We're all friends and we're all buddy buddy.
Or that's what I used to think.
I joined my church two years ago, and it was fun. But in the two years before i graduated, a person can change a great deal. Friday night's, I get together with the kids in my age group(used to be the high school group, but now that I'm in college, I'm with the college group)and we do a couple of things, all in the name understanding God, his inner workings and everything inbetween, along with being better friends with each other. As people grow, you just notice things, appreciate things a younger generation can't do. Things started to be more cliquey. Like church was more of a hangout. I didn't feel that good feeling like I did years ago. Same with now these days. I come back during vacation, and it's all the same.
There was that aspect of me feeling that the people around me were not in it for the reasons like i thought years ago. But like I say time and time again. Who am I to judge. Not only do I feel like I'm missing my point of going, the kids just make me feel like I just don't fit in, which is a feeling that I think I shouldn't be getting. When I'm around them, I just feel like they don't get me, whatever "me" is. And I just feel that they're not interested in me to begin with. There was a time I would introduce myself, tell my likes and dislikes, and let things flourish. And then, people just don't seem interested. Whatever they care about, I'm not it.
So it seems.
It's come to the point where I don't care about them either sometimes. Since I've gone away to college, I just feel smarter. Deeper. Older. Grown to a place where only a few seem to understand. It's a vicious cycle, for sure. I have thoughts of leaving. Switching churches. Or just not going altogether. Certainly, with the way things are going, it's not helping my self-esteem. I can only imagine how the other people who went away to college that go to my church at home turned out after all these months. Hopefully, not for the worst.
As I contemplate sometimes, I just wonder if my standards are just too damn harsh. That I just put people on pedestal that they might not be meant to be on. I want to stay. I really do, but what really works for me and what works for everyone else? I think it's time for another soul searching journey. And it's time to get in touch with the friends outside of church. I haven't seen them for a while. At least I know for sure, a small number, understand. And for those I've tagged out in facebook, how do you feel?
Closing off with Maya Angelou: "If you don't like something, change it. If you don't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain". Wendy said something along the same lines. Influence those around you.
Adios. Thanks for reading.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Silence
It's what I get.
I hate being ignored without a given reason. I hate broken promises.
That is all.
Sorry for the lack of writing.
I hate being ignored without a given reason. I hate broken promises.
That is all.
Sorry for the lack of writing.
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